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Archive for April, 2008

Greetings from Pakistan

My 4th day here. So much to write about. I’m married now and very happy alhamdullilah 🙂

the weather is nice and warm, but i’ve been feeling very sick.

The henna night- Monday 14th April, Kabul Paris.

The day started off pretty bad, was kind of upset. the henna night itself went very well. Everyone had lots of fun, a very traditional evening.

The Nikah night- Wednesday 16th April, my place.

This was done with only a few people. Why a few people, because they wanted to avoid anyone from doing any harm via black magic. the Mullah gave H and I a ‘jadoo band’ (black magic blocker). Apparently, any black magic done during the Nikah (in most cases) can never be undone.

The Wedding- Thursday 17th April, Kabul Ariana.

i’m very happy with the way things turned out. Our photographer took very nice (and un-fobish) pics. Almost felt like the wedding wasn’t in kabul.

I will post more detail about the wedding when i get the time. Right now, i’m freaking out because Tootie (the family parrot) is wandering around and i’m scared it might bite. also not feeling too well.

I have apparently been given the ‘evil eye’. Yesterday i was perfectly fine, getting my hands henna embroidered (i know, i don’t like henna… but hey, it’s not too bad). After i finished i went to the bathroom, then i just laid on my bed and my tummy was aching really badly. It started at 4.30pm and by 10pm it was still going on.

My father in law and my sis in law, M, went with me to the hospital where i was drugged til i could no longer walk or talk or think properly. They also took blood tests and other tests.  We returned home at around 12am.

Have visitors now. Be back soon with pics.

 

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A letter to Kabul

feeling deadened, it cut itself to cope… to feel alive.

Dear Kabul,

I know I’ve been mean to you in the past few days and saying mean things about you. This is mainly because I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve vented myself on your people, your roads, your tailors because they’ve not attended to my bridesmaid’s dresses. I don’t like your boys and men because they pester women. I don’t like your waters because it makes me sick and a while later i feel nauseous. Not to mention the dust and pollution, oh and the mud too ruining my new shoes.

I don’t like your worthless currency shifting from the hands of the rich to the poor bringing joy to neither. I don’t like your male-dominant society, even if men do wrong, it’s still okay. I don’t like the way women have to scream to be heard, but men simply whisper and everything falls their way. The most heinous acts have been committed on your land, Kabul, yet you fail to do anything about it. Men have tortured women for decades, are you blind to see?

Your vicious winters, so cruel to the homeless.

Regardless of all this, you share my misery. Don’t think I haven’t appreciated it because I have, I’ve noticed your clouds grieve as i hurt, sharing my pain. Grey and gloomy skies agree with my unspoken words. Your rains shed like my agonising tears, but when the sun rises and your tears stop – it all starts again. It pains me as i try to smile, a broken smile.

Your cruel mountains, so fierce, yet so sympathetic.

You’ve been cruel to be kind, I know my sorrowful companion will bring me joy. God has promised us that when he closes a door, he will open a window. My eyes are too wet to see a window, i need to stop crying to find my way.

Until then I will continue my quest for that window.

Signed,

Me.

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the show must go on

“It is my firm belief that until Muslims revert to the traditional interpretation of Islam — in which ‘you shall have your religion, and I shall have mine’ is respected and adhered to — the factional strife within Muslim countries will continue. … Those who teach the killing of adherents of other sects or religions are damaging Muslim societies as well as threatening non-Muslim societies.” Benazir Bhutto

All weekend Ahmad Zahir’s song has been playing in my head Bas ast dega, bas ast dega… sokhtam! Shola ra khamoosh kunn.

As predicted, weekend didn’t go too well. Wasn’t too bad either. I’d say it was 50-50.

Got a few things done. I finished off the afghan clothes for the henna night, got all the stitchings done by… me. Dad also helped 🙂 I have the edges of my veil to do now, it’s cathedral length so it will be one hell of a task. I can easily get the local tailors to do it, but i can’t risk destroying my veil or getting it dirty. So i’ve taken the task upon myself.

Everything should hopefully be done by end fo this week. But it’s a busy busy week.

Friday night i went to the reception to make arrangements, turned out to be a disaster. won’t go into that.  Everything was left halfway so i’ll have to finish it off sometime this week on my own.

AND i got the invitations. very nicely done! (yeah if i were in the west it would be  very late to send out invitations now. In kabul, if i send out the invitations now, i will get a lousy turn out at the wedding because half the ppl forget). that’s why invitations are sent out very late.

Excuse all the grammatical errors and all, i only had 5 hours sleep last night.

And the show must go on….

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emptiness

Okay, i’m going to vent… 

I, myself, wear hijab with pride, never been to mixed weddings, parties etc (mainly coz i wasn’t allowed) BUT i’ve always had the belief that it’s okay to attend as long as you wear hijab or maintain your modesty.

Now, dilema bekhi zadda… i hate to say this but after seeing men/women do things in the name of Islam and since i’ve come to afghanistan… dilem az Afghanyat wa Musolmanha seya shuda. Not Islam, but Muslims!

I’ve done good to ppl, and gotten stabbed in the worst way possible by ppl who are ‘mutadayen’ or ‘shareef’.

Az afghanistan kadda, Australia was more ‘Islamic’ and i found myself more practising when i was there. I can feel my Iman has weakened, i know i shouldn’t say it but i’m game enough to admit to it, to recognise the problem and now i can rectify it.

After __remarried (justifying it with Islam) dilem az kulleh chiz seya shuda, and it’s not normal for me to feel this way as i’m very strong. Sareh lajj amadeem, not with God, but with __ . I find myself contemplating on taking off the hijab etc. etc.

Gotta go, my eyes are stinging and i don’t wanna cry…

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Bad feeling

…az barayeh ghameh mann, seenayeh darya tang ast…

I have a feeling this weekend won’t be too good. I feel crap as it is. I was happy and fine this morning. **sigh**

I don’t feel like writing much these days, not from the heart anyways. Not to mention i look terrible, lost heaps of weight (as if i wasn’t slim already).

I’m supposed to be looking after myself because there’s only 14 days left til my Big Fat Afghan Wedding not to mention feeling excited and happy. But i’m not exactly.

Maybe i should postpone it until things at home get better! slowly, slowly, by and by i’m telling my friends about what has happened. but what good does that do?

Life’s a bitch and then you die. But hey, it could have been worst (still doesn’t make me feel better).

Praying for a miracle….

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one at a time

So i’ve learnt. To take one day at a time.

Don’t feel like ranting. I’m too dazed.

Until next time…

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