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I couldn’t take it any more! My eyes became too wet to see, I dropped my head and waited for them to finish. Every pair of eyes in the room told a dreadful story, a horrific past. yet they continue to smile, this was only a fraction of kabuls poor and needy. Some of the children told their stories with no emotion. As if losing a parent was alright.

Suddenly, I realised why I was in Kabul. It was for children like them. how could I be so selfish and turn away from these faces. my moral conscience would’nt
allow it. Even if I did return to Australia, I’d be sure to leave something
behind and contribute somehitng.</
blockquote>

– From my speech which i delivered to prominent guests at ‘Mahboba’s Promise’ hope house (orphanage)

Where are our educated Afghans? Your country is calling you, awaiting you, in need of you. In every Afghan childs weep, in every Afghan mothers tear, in every Afghan fathers quest… You are the answer!

Our Afghans abroad who were once respected engineers, doctors, professors, lawyers in their homes are now taxi drivers. Even a king away from home is a beggar.

Nothing is greater than the satisfaction one recieves from helping an outstretched hand. No feeling is greater than feeling an orphans hair run through your fingers.
No feeling is greater than wiping away the tears of a mother in search of her long missing son. No pain is stronger than the one which an orphan or a widow shares through their story. No smile is more genuine than the one on a poor womans face.

They continue to smile yet in every voice of every man, in every infants cry of fear, in every cry of every child. In ever voice I hear the cruelty of war, the unhealed wounds, the pain and sufferings…hoping and praying for a day to come.

– From my speech which i delivered to prominent guests at ‘Mahboba’s Promise’ hope house (orphanage). When i got to this part of my speech, i couldnt hold back tears.

Ba omideh salamatee Afghanistan. Khuda negahdaar.

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Ufffff… frustrated

Bakhuda tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam…

It’s that time of the month again when i feel really down. the time when most guys are freaked out and only girls understand.. PMS phase of the month. anyways, during this time a girl needs tender loving care (and i’m sure most girls agree). ladies, am i right or am i right?

I get really cranky and moody, and i just need someone to talk to when i get like that. To listen to what i have to say, not walk out on me. It’s not like i enjoy it, i really dont! I feel bad coz i knwo that the people around me, and the people i love might be offended. Back home, (i’m sure many of you remember) no one could tell. as long as i’m having a good time, i’m all happy and smiles.

About my previous blog, the blank squares… i like the way W put it.

I read your blog the other night and am very proud of how ur handling yourself! I also attempted to check ur blog out tonite but all i could see was a page with title Kabul in Motion – the page was blank. Not sure if its a website problem or a very critical view of actual life in kabul from your perspective!

No, kadoo.. it’s not that. They’re actually videos of Kabul (yeh i know ur getting all happy) but dont worry, i’ll fix it up. If not after this entry, maybe another day. Sarem dard mekona and i feel really crap. I know i should have replied to your email. But i hope this suffices. I am joking, i have replied. Btw, which poems did u say you liked?

So yeah, i decided to talk to F online so she can make me feel better. But as usual, she went on about the evilness of the male gender..haha. This is how the conversation went:

in Kabul >> says:
i feel down… stupid PMS

in Kabul >> says:
today i been feeling really depressed.. it’s not normal for me to feel this way coz i never do

in Kabul >> says:
i just wanna go and cry

F – says:
i am over it

in Kabul >> says:
how did u manage to do that? lol

F – says:
get over it?

in Kabul >> says:
yeah

F – says:
well talk 2 sum1 about nething

F – says:
pray, that helps

F – says:
put music on and dance

F- says:
have ice cream

in Kabul >> says:
i do.. but its that time of the month

F – says:
watch a movie

Fereshta – says:
me 2
Fereshta – says:
awwww my shaadigak

F – says:
guys man they just make things worse

F – says:
they ONLY care about themself

in Kabul >>:
honey, ur not helping

F – says:
haha

F – says:
i am just telling u the truth

F – says:
they cant be relied on 2 make u feel beter

F – says:
only good at one thing: make u feel worse

in Kabul >>
not all of em..depending on the maturity level. some are ok

F – says:
u should stick 2 ice cream and dancing

in Kabul >>:
lol

F- says:
its amazing what some good music can do

in Kabul >>:
i need to listen to baraan… omid or Ahmad zahir

in Kabul >>:
lol

F – says:
yes its true… lets put it this way they are great fun n good friends but when things change and u start a relationship and expectations start 2 give way then they suck

in Kabul >>:
uffff ur such a man-basher. lol.

F – says:
no no that will make u cry

F – says:
cryn is not bad…

F – says:
i guess its ur pms

F – says:
it happens 2 me everymonth

in Kabul >>
i hate it

in Kabul >>
i feel sorry for ppl around me… but then when i realise theyre being jerks instead of understanding. i dont!

F – says:
lol

F – says:
haha

F- says:
stuff em

Eid is coming up and so are other occasions (i will reveal details in my next entry)I wont be at work for a few days or so. Good chance for me to go to Dubai?!

My head is hurting, I think i’m going to call it a day and go home, do some shopping to feel a little better.

Ba Omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

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Emptiness and blank emotions. I seem like i’m so tough, but little do people know that small things hurt me. People close to me know this.

Have you ever expressed genuinity and sincerity only to be confronted with disbelief? It hurts when people think your not being real when in fact you are. To pay the price for someone elses mistakes and stupidity. To be at the right place at the wrong time.

To trust someone and not be trusted in return. to believe what they say but when it comes to you, be doubted.

I know trust is earned and not given- but at the same time i would expect, in return, a little of what i give. Don’t we all?

I trust people and see the good in them, because i believe there is goodness in everyone and that it overpowers the negativity (regardless). i believe what ppl tell me because i know there is some degree of sincerity.

Unfortunately, this involves the risk of getting hurt and betrayed. but i would take that upon myself to trust others and see the good in this world.

all this is concealed within.

I just wish karma would take its toll with me.

Just a thought… too much pride

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Many people (including some Afghans) claim that we have nothing left to be proud of.
We have everything to be proud of! Yes, we lost our buildings and our offices during the decades of war but the flame of hope continued to burn in every Afghan through out the world.

Infrastructure was demolished but this only strengthened the Afghan spirit. Afghanistan still has unhealed wounds, it’s evident! The people don’t speak but Afghanistans’ characteristics reveals all.

The clouds weep sorrowful tears.. as every Afghan did when they lost a mother, a father or a child. mountains stand tall and proud.. like a true Afghan does, houses destroyed by missiles.. as families are shattered, walls covered in bulletholes just as every afghan soldier was martyred.
Yet, you see Afghans smile while their eyes reveal history!

Thanks to God, we have everything to be proud of!

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