This lady I know…

There’s this lady I know, she’s been through so much.

She’s been to hell many times and back, yet her flame of courage has not died down.

Glowing bright and strong in the blackest of nights, she lives on. 

She has strengths that amaze men.

She smiles when she wants to scream. 

She sings when she wants to cry. 

She goes without so her family can have.

She loves unconditionally.

If there is one flaw in this woman, it’s that she doesn’t know her worth.

This lady I know has shown me the power of woman.

This lady I know is my mother.

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Rumi

When my coffin is being taken out; you must never think I am missing this world…
don’t shed any tears; don’t lament or feel sorry
I’m not falling into a monster’s abyss.

When you see my corpse is being carried…don’t cry for my leaving.
I’m not leaving; I’m arriving at eternal love.

When you leave me in the grave; don’t say goodbye
Remember a grave is only a curtain for the paradise behind.
You’ll only see me descending into a grave; now watch me rise
how can there be an end when the sun sets or
the moon goes down it looks like the end; it seems like a sunset
but in reality it is a dawn.

When the grave locks you up; that is when your soul is freed

Have you ever seen a seed fallen to earth
not rise with a new life; why should you doubt the rise of a seed named human

have you ever seen a bucket lowered into a well
coming back empty;
why lament for a soul when for the last time you close your mouth your words and and soul will be freed
– Rumi

Rather, pray for the dead and ask God to forgive them.

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Do you still remember?

Do you still remember, how it used to be?

When you were a father and I was a daughter

Just like things should be…

 

Do you still remember?

I was six, my first day at school,

I cried for you when you dropped me off

Then I looked forward to everyday of school

Carefree and ignorant of the world.

Oh how I wished to live

 

Do you still remember?

I was ten, in fifth grade,

I bought my impressive report card to show you

The smile on your face, do you remember?

Oh how I wished to live

 

Do you still remember?

I was twelve, in seventh grade,

You married another, yet I was easily fooled

in high spirits and grateful.

Oh how I wished to live

 

Do you still remember?

I was seventeen, in first year of uni,

I met another and thought you’d approve

Hopeful and anticipating

Oh how I wished to live

 

Do you still remember?

I was twenty, near completion of uni,

When a calamity befell our family, I stood by your side

Shoulder to shoulder, provided you with support.

Oh how I wished to live

 

Do you still remember?

I was twenty one, just the other day

In this war torn country,

I assisted you every step of the way

And still… how I wished to live

 

I’m still twenty one, on my wedding day,

Do you remember?

The time when I needed you most, you went and married another?

This time nothing is forgiven

The pain, the sadness, the grief.

Oh how I wish to die

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Oh so sweet…

A friend who told me to post this asked me to title it ‘By my love’ or something of the like. W, if i had remembered, i would have titled it as such.

You have no idea
how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
Whats the point of bringing gold to a gold mine,
or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with
was like taking spices to the Orient.
Its no good giving my heart and soul
because You already have these.
So – I’ve brought You a mirror.
Look at Yourself and remember me. -Rumi

Last night we went out for dinner. After, we went to Intercontinental hotel for coffee. The view was so pretty. I took plenty of photoes but unfortunately i do not have my camera with me to upload the pics. Will do tomorrow, bakhayr.

Got home to see that we already had guests. They left quite early (930pm) giving us the chance to spend some quality time with family. i hit the bed at 1am.

Will put pics up soon!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar!

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Afghan blood continues to spill

Che begaam az dasteh tu ay roozegaar, be tu chi mereseh az shekasteh mann…

A bus carrying dozens of Afghan soldiers in Kabul was ripped apart by a powerful bomb on Saturday morning, in an attack blamed on Taleban insurgents. (Source: BBC News)

I have lost count of the number of suicide bomb attacks in Kabul let alone the number of casualties. Yesterday, another suicide attack took place in Karte Parwan near Cinema Baharistan killing 27 police (numbers continue to rise). Reuters reported 10 killed, a flimsy portrayal of the tragic imposition of the bombing. Other sources immediately reported 27 dead. If the same situation occured in a western country, the ‘estimation’ would have been doubled increasing social alarm. However, Afghanistan continues to be forlon and Afghan blood contines to spill unnoticed by the world.

I will say no more, let the photoes speak. It saddens me to think about who have been killed. Men who have joined the army only to provide for their families, recipients of US$70 month wages. Fathers, uncles, brothers. all sole income earners for their families.

I have mentioned this before and i will entrench it again, men here play multiple roles in a family. Unfortunately, sadly but truly, women find it formidable to persevere in life without a male figure in the home. My heart goes out for these women. But i also admire the strength, courage and determination of those women who continue to struggle and strive for the future. Women who perpetuate the family name in a dignified and honourable manner. The mothers and wives of Afghanistan.

Unfortunately for some, most women who have lost their husbands tend to wander off and remarry leaving behind her children in the care of their paternal relatives and never hear from them again. One can only imagine the preceding occurences which a mother is forced to endure which results her in abandoning her children.

Later that day, i took my aunts shopping. Kabul streets continued business as usual- shop owners sold, beggers continued to beg and shoppers continued to shop. They have become so desensitised to attacks, it no longer frightens them but the anger is ensued.

We returned home in time for Iftaar. Again, visitors continued flowing in. Its afghan tradition to continue catering for people following the death of a family member for forty days. It’s appalling. We don’t get family time alone. But it’s Ramadan and it’s a blessing to have visitors, so for that i’m grateful.

Mum gives food away to those in need, like our maid. A young Hazara girl. Their family is ever so grateful for it. She told us of her story- her neighbour had little food to break her fast with so they came knocking on her door. They had nothing to give away except sharing the food which my mum had given to them. I can’t stand wasting food. Even in Australia, I felt very guilty throwing food away.

Ba omideh roozegaareh behtar, ba omideh azaadi millate Afghanistan.

If the sky is not in love, then it will not be so clear.

If the sun is not in love, then it will not be giving any light.

If the river is not in love, then it will be in silence, it will not be moving.

If the mountains, the earth are not in love, then there will be nothing growing

– Mawlana Jalaludin Rumi Balkhi

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Gone to the Unseen

I dedicate this poem to my grandfather. May he RIP.

Gone to the Unseen

At last you have departed and gone to the Unseen. What marvelous route did you take from this world?
Beating your wings and feathers, you broke free from this cage.

Rising up to the sky you attained the world of the soul.

You were a prized falcon trapped by an Old Woman. Then you heard the drummer’s calland flew beyond space and time.

As a lovesick nightingale, you flew among the owls. Then came the scent of the rosegarden and you flew off to meet the Rose.
The wine of this fleeting worldcaused your head to ache.

Finally you joined the tavern of Eternity. Like an arrow, you sped from the bow and went straight for the bull’s eye of bliss.
This phantom world gave you false signs But you turned from the illusion and journeyed to the land of truth.

You are now the Sun -what need have you for a crown?You have vanished from this world -what need have you to tie your robe?
I’ve heard that you can barely see your soul.But why look at all? -yours is now the Soul of Souls!

Pouring down like the rain of heaven

you fell upon the rooftop of this world. Then you ran in every direction and escaped through the drain spout . . .

Now the words are over and the pain they bring is gone.

Now you have gone to rest in the arms of the Beloved.

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If I had a wish…

if i had a wish
that one wish would be
to bring you nothing but happiness
throughout eternity
if i had wings like an eagle
i’d fly high up in the air
to be above you at all times
and keep you from despair
if i could write a song
the lyrics would be of you
you wouldn’t hear no lies
but everything that is true
if i could go back in time
i’d go without looking back
to change what i did wrong
and set things on the right track
but baby, im only human
and the only thing i can really do
is take the love thats in my heart
and give it all to you… NK

I haven’t been blogging for a while now, maybe it’s because of work and since I’ve had no internet connection at home.

So why am i blogging now? Because i feel really down. I miss my friends and my home- Australia. I’m going through an identity crisis, i’m looking for myself but i can’t seem to find me. I never knew i’d go through something like this. But believe it or not i don’t feel like i belong here. the people are completely different.

i had a few international colleagues speak to me about office issues and the atmosphere. they were really nice about it, they explained the differences and how i should be or shouldn’t be around people here. TRUST doesn’t exist in this place! They told me i should go out with them. i wish i was allowed.

I’ve decided i’m not going to leave work for lunch because i’ve been warned that people will follow me.

I’m at work so i better log off…

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar

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